"Gone are the days of moderation. The world celebrates as alcohol is finally stripped of its negative connotations and given the hero status it so rightly deserves. The report board of Alcoholics outline a series of investigations on the relationship between alcohol and the consumer. One section of the report explains how beneficial alcohol is to the consumer's social life. Those who choose not to consume are losers and will now will officially be on a lower wage as they have no life to speak of and will only require a minimal allowance for basic food and admission to the checkers and chess club. The board also found that alcohol makes us more attractive, in an age where beauty is of the upmost importance, alcohol is there to soften the lighting...of the world. Beer goggles are now standard issue for the world's citizens. According to section three of the report, livers are not necessary for the daily function of our bodies, stating that infact the 'liver' is actually a myth established by the government to keep us away from the bottle. It appears the myth has finally been busted. Cheers to that."
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